Happiness and Love

[Richard]

What are these things called love and happiness?
They cannot be a primitive instinct like sex, with immediate yet fleeting enjoyment?
Drugs (including alcohol, tobacco etcetera) like sex, are also both immediate and short-term).
The ancient Greek philosophers would probably have formed an opinion (or two) about what constitutes love and happiness.
I suspect they would say that both are neither fleeting nor instinctive.
Love and happiness, then, seems set apart from sex and drugs but love can be emotional whereas happiness is on a different plane altogether.
Contentment and short-term well-being are both akin to sex and drugs in one sense.
The longer-term state of happiness is perhaps spread wide and far, whereas love is restricted to a much narrower set of very personal issues.

[seahermit]

I won't say too much about love as it would give too much away about myself! But .. if it is fleeting, then it's not love, just a passing attraction. It can be based on understanding, respect etc. but often it can be quite irrational, who knows why? And often those most passionate relationships are between very incompatible people. Very odd and no doubt the Greeks would have a lot to theorise about.

Sex, drugs, tobacco, drink, food are all short-term gratifications, based heavily on biological drives. Some atleast are psychologically important - if we only had the same boring "survival" diet every day, no contact with the opposite sex, no alcohol, no nice cup of coffee, no stimulants to brighten the day, we might all end up neurotic!

Happiness is a different thing altogether. Who knows how to really "find" happiness? It is a by-product, it comes when it wants to, from doing other things which bring about that state of mind. People often talk about being happy but what they mean is content - happiness is being somewhat blissful maybe, where everything seems fantastic. State of mind again, may not even be related to circumstances, where actually you are rather poor or other problems. Again, not necessarily rational!

What interesting trains of thought these are.

[Richard]

The ancient Greek philosophers had somewhat pompous views on what constitutes happiness.
Democritus contended that happiness was a ‘state of mind’, i.e. subjective.
Socrates, and his student Plato put forth the notion that happiness was “secure enjoyment of what is good and beautiful” i.e. a more objective view.
Plato developed the idea that the best life is one whereby a person is either pursuing pleasure of exercising intellectual virtues.
A key component of Aristotle’s theory of happiness is the factor of virtue. He contended that in aiming for happiness, the most important factor is to have ‘complete virtue’ or – in other words – good moral character and that was not simply virtue, nor pleasure, but rather it was the exercise of virtue by generosity, justice, friendship, and citizenship.
In the middle ages, Christian philosophers said that whilst virtue is essential for a good life, that virtue alone is not sufficient for happiness.
In the modern era, happiness is something we take for granted. It is assumed that humans are entitled to pursue and attain happiness. This is evidenced by the fact that in the US declaration of independence, the pursuit of happiness is protected as a fundamental human right.

Money is not the guarantee of happiness – consider lottery winners. Whilst it is necessary to have sufficient money this alone will not cause happiness. So, what else is a source of happiness?
Having friends and social relationships has been shown to be a leading cause of happiness. Humans are primarily social beings and have a need for social connection.
Making and keeping friends is positively correlated with well-being. Aristotle stated that “no one would choose to live without friends, even if he had all the other goods”.
A large determinant of happiness is personality, research supports the fact that individual differences in how a person responds both to events and also to other people have an impact on the levels of a person’s happiness.
Savouring ordinary moments in everyday life is a skill that can be learned.
By appreciating the simple things in life, we foster positive emotions…from admiring a beautiful flower to enjoying a cup of tea, finding joy in the little things is associated with increased happiness.

[Richard]

As for 'love'.
Some animals display extraordinary evidence of grief, care and empathy towards each other and their human companions. They may suffer anxiety to the point of dying when a mate is denied or removed.
Many animals bond for life, experience and display emotions and show empathy.
They have mental experiences and are therefore conscious.
Humans may take it all to a higher level but there is no evidence that 'love' is restricted to ourselves alone.

[seahermit]

I wonder how many people have acquired wealth, fame, celebrity, success - had it all in fact, yet ended their own lives? It would take a long time to count them all up.

Happiness is a state of mind, has little to do with material factors. It is when you realise that those things just don't matter ultimately, compared to a nice cuppa and the company of a good friend, that you get into a more balanced view of life. It's the small things which make a difference, not the big things. But .. many people think they have a sort of "right" to happiness and feel hard-done-by if it doesn't come to them. You have to do the right things, acquire the right attitude - without some input by yourself, happiness won't just turn up.

[Richard]

Some people are deeply happy with a life-long belief in religion.
Yet religion has directly or or indirectly caused people to go to war throughout history.
Happiness is not necessarily about wanting or worshiping money or material goods, yet some people are happy with achieving money and manage to live a good life because of it, some do not.
Everyone has a right to happiness and I don't believe the stuffy Greek philosopher beliefs about having to be virtuous or working at it to achieve happiness, anymore than one has to do likewise to find love.
Both can turn sour if you pursue them too eagerly.
Both are subjective states of mind and depend on the person, what makes one person happy may not be appreciated by another.

[seahermit]

I think the reason that some people find happiness from religion is that it satisfies needs - brings comfort, reassurance, shifts the focus of their minds away from everyday stresses and problems or the rat-race to acquire wealth. It is not something magical about the religious dogma itself. Nothing wrong with that, if it brings them peace of mind, but for others the real and extraordinary workings of the universe are marvellous enough, without theorizing and mythologising by human imagination.

It is also true that religious belief has killed millions of people over the course of history! I won't say too much for fear of offending some people, but organised religions are riddled with irony, hypocrisy and actual human behaviour very much at odds with their religions' noble doctrines.

Some people seem very happy making money, building business empires. Probably not because wealth and power are magical ingredients for happiness in themselves, more because they enjoy what they are good at doing, are fulfilled and are satisfying creative needs - not the kind of creativity which turns me on!

Michael Jackson had it all - but could there possibly have been a more troubled, mixed-up, drug-dependent, naive and weird performer in show business?

Thank you Richard, taken my mind off Covid 19 for a while!

[Richard]

Raconteurs, people who are skilled at describing funny or interesting anecdotes about day-to-day life, or absurd situations, make me happy.
Some clearly had difficult (sexual preference) private lives and some became drug/alcohol-dependent, some did not.
Frankie Howerd, Kenneth Williams, Ken Dodd, Peter Cook and the Monty Python characters put forward sketches or dialogues which often mesmerized us with their unique abilities in formulating a set-piece.
Entertainment can be comedic or otherwise and I am grateful to have witnessed many forms.
M. Jackson was of course pursued following a known fondness for the innocence of children, which meant he was highly vulnerable to people looking to cash in on the situation.
Human nature is often unpleasant and driven by greed.
That is why we should always look on the bright side of life!
It's great while it works but is fragile and precious also.

[Richard]

The good thing is that there are countless forms of happiness, from the beauty of nature in all its forms, woodland, mountain, coasts and flowers, sunsets.
Or patterns that please in art forms, geometric perfection on many levels, poetry and precious moments between friends or casual encounters.
It is perhaps impossible to define happiness just because it is so ubiquitous, waiting patiently to be appreciated, but many cannot see the wood for the trees and resort to the wrong path in vain.
Some people are too caught up in everyday issues to reflect on the above.

“What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

W.H. Davies

[seahermit]

I would suggest that there is only one thing called happiness/peace of mind/fulfillment, call it what you will - those terms are all very close in meaning and represent a desirable state of mind. Many routes to get there though, that's a different matter!

And what makes one person happy holds little meaning for another person. But the basic problem remains - strange how so many people in this world acquire wealth, power etc. (or even just manage to achieve quite a decent material standard of living), yet are bitterly unhappy and frustrated and even take their own lives. It can only mean that some of us are missing sight of what is really important in the quest for happiness, getting distracted by illusory and false goals.

That doesn't mean that I know better than anyone else what the real goals should be! Happiness is elusive, intangible, often transient. Everyone has to work out for him/herself whether they are on the right path to what will fulfill them.

I hate the lockdown, opposite of the way I like to live. But others will no doubt welcome the peaceful streets and the chance to get the garden straight or catch up on old films. Everyone to his own. But I really want some noisy jazz and catching up on the gossip. Maybe I have to learn the value of patience ..