Does anyone find what they want to do or learn?
In life. at work, at home?
Especially during lockdown, you need to find a hobby or interest.
I like antiques, junk, anything involving craftsmanship, creativity.
How things arose, photosynthesis, stars, lots of things really, chemical reactions, history.
Some people tell me they are bored and so was I when I wore a younger man's clothes.
Being with friends, loved ones, making things up, playing mind-games, cooking, having a laugh.
Searching history, taking pictures, walking and music.
A quiz, a challenge, chess, football, cricket.
We have a massive world of states of mind, sometimes open to wonder and reflection.
Most can give you a good feeling, a feedback and enjoyment.
I like some of the things I was told I was not good at in school.
Hastings Forum
Finding it out
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Derek Jempson
- Posts: 377
- Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 6:56 am
Re: Finding it out
Exactly - there is so much to do and to learn. One lifetime is not long enough. It always exasperates me when someone says that they are bored. There isn't time to be bored - it should be a criminal offence!
Re: Finding it out
I really go along with this. I'm not sure what "bored" means - it certainly doesn't happen to me often. Fed up over the lockdown, yes, that's another matter - cos I can't do some things I want to, walk to a favourite pub/cafe, get a drink and grapple with the crossword in a corner .. or commiserate with a friend about the state of the world.
But what has amazed me is, despite the lockdown restrictions, how little spare time I have actually had in which to relax and think about the meaning of life. Several medical things (like a lot of older people): flu jab, virus jab, sorting out ear issues .. And a never-ending list of jobs which I have realised should have been attended to a long time ago! Clean the flat, mend some things, wash a duvet, re-paint some chairs, put a couple of pictures up, tend to my plant pots outside ..
We also currently have a tenant on the ground-floor who .. well, have you seen those "Neighbour fom hell" programmes? It's getting to that stage and, believe me, it certainly stops you dwelling on your own problems!!
When I do get time to spare, it's cooking casseroles, reading, writing, exploring fascinating documentaries on YouTube or foreign films on Amazon Prime, planning some trips for later in the year, photography ..
People have to learn that things don't come to you on a plate. Getting going and being active takes a bit of effort (there ARE times when I just s** it all and indulge in laziness) but you feel much better after achieving or creating something.
And, oh yes, I have re-started forty minutes of exercises twice a week - it's killing me and I haven't started on press-ups yet, but I really enjoy boasting about it!
But what has amazed me is, despite the lockdown restrictions, how little spare time I have actually had in which to relax and think about the meaning of life. Several medical things (like a lot of older people): flu jab, virus jab, sorting out ear issues .. And a never-ending list of jobs which I have realised should have been attended to a long time ago! Clean the flat, mend some things, wash a duvet, re-paint some chairs, put a couple of pictures up, tend to my plant pots outside ..
We also currently have a tenant on the ground-floor who .. well, have you seen those "Neighbour fom hell" programmes? It's getting to that stage and, believe me, it certainly stops you dwelling on your own problems!!
When I do get time to spare, it's cooking casseroles, reading, writing, exploring fascinating documentaries on YouTube or foreign films on Amazon Prime, planning some trips for later in the year, photography ..
People have to learn that things don't come to you on a plate. Getting going and being active takes a bit of effort (there ARE times when I just s** it all and indulge in laziness) but you feel much better after achieving or creating something.
And, oh yes, I have re-started forty minutes of exercises twice a week - it's killing me and I haven't started on press-ups yet, but I really enjoy boasting about it!
Re: Finding it out
The need for novelty and stimulation has made us who we are — intelligent, curious, and constantly seeking the next good thing.
To one extreme are the adrenaline-junkies, those seeking a thrill from the danger and excitement of extreme outdoor sports - the extroverts
To the other end are the people who appreciate an intellectual 'fix' - from solving, creating and generally more passively enjoying thinking and arranging their thoughts - the introverts.
If you are a young person working in a highly stressful and demanding activity, such as fire, police or ambulance and medical services, you may seek escape by engaging in extreme sports.
Such people tend to have quite definite views and look for strong external feedback stimuli.
If you have a fairly passive and stress-free life you may prefer more in the way of gentle reasoning and intellectual pleasures.
I could be completely wrong but I think you need to know which category you naturally gravitate toward, or what tips the balance if you are able to switch between the two extremes at will.
I prefer anything for a quiet life.
I am not very keen on physical exertion but swimming and walking quickly seem about okay.
The indulgence of feeling in the right frame of mind to read and enjoy a good book or put together the pieces of the puzzle in understanding history or chemistry, for example, are rewarding.
The best feeling of all, of course, is the chemistry between like-minded people, who can be mates, soul-mates or lovers, partners or just friends.
The physical touching and caressing are another dimension of wonderful enjoyment that has to be respected highly, sex is just a physical release but the mind has to be in the right sphere too.
Perhaps sex without the feeling is more of an animal instinct, being seen for what it is.
Humour and making others laugh is in a league of its own that only humans seem to excel in and is the most incredible medicine of all.
To one extreme are the adrenaline-junkies, those seeking a thrill from the danger and excitement of extreme outdoor sports - the extroverts
To the other end are the people who appreciate an intellectual 'fix' - from solving, creating and generally more passively enjoying thinking and arranging their thoughts - the introverts.
If you are a young person working in a highly stressful and demanding activity, such as fire, police or ambulance and medical services, you may seek escape by engaging in extreme sports.
Such people tend to have quite definite views and look for strong external feedback stimuli.
If you have a fairly passive and stress-free life you may prefer more in the way of gentle reasoning and intellectual pleasures.
I could be completely wrong but I think you need to know which category you naturally gravitate toward, or what tips the balance if you are able to switch between the two extremes at will.
I prefer anything for a quiet life.
I am not very keen on physical exertion but swimming and walking quickly seem about okay.
The indulgence of feeling in the right frame of mind to read and enjoy a good book or put together the pieces of the puzzle in understanding history or chemistry, for example, are rewarding.
The best feeling of all, of course, is the chemistry between like-minded people, who can be mates, soul-mates or lovers, partners or just friends.
The physical touching and caressing are another dimension of wonderful enjoyment that has to be respected highly, sex is just a physical release but the mind has to be in the right sphere too.
Perhaps sex without the feeling is more of an animal instinct, being seen for what it is.
Humour and making others laugh is in a league of its own that only humans seem to excel in and is the most incredible medicine of all.
Re: Finding it out
Fascinating .. I think nobody, Richard, could accuse you of slowing down mentally and getting lazy! Indeed, I rather think that with humans it is very much a case of mind over matter - people who have a lot of interest in life, enjoy stimulations and a degree of intellectual reasoning often seem to be more fulfilled/happier .. and live longer maybe? Everyone is different of course, some get their thrills from very active pursuits and unwind by doing "white-watering" etc. - only trouble is, I wonder what the active types do when they grow older and stiffer? Is that when they start reading great novels or genning up on history?!
We all need a reason for getting up in the morning, so yes, it is important to discover yourself, find what you are good at and what is your "destiny" in life maybe - even if it's being remembered for being a great gardener!
Re: sex, I think I go along with Woody Allen: "Sex without love is indeed a hollow experience.
But, as hollow experiences go, it's a pretty good one". ALL our drives are animal instincts at a basic level - but as humans we kid ourselves that we have added some emotional and intellectual layers to all that. We are nearer to the animal kingdom than we like to think!
All I can say is that, if a Venus de Milo lookalike walked through my door and wanted to get amorous, I would quickly lose interest if she couldn't also talk about the meaning of the universe ..
We all need a reason for getting up in the morning, so yes, it is important to discover yourself, find what you are good at and what is your "destiny" in life maybe - even if it's being remembered for being a great gardener!
Re: sex, I think I go along with Woody Allen: "Sex without love is indeed a hollow experience.
But, as hollow experiences go, it's a pretty good one". ALL our drives are animal instincts at a basic level - but as humans we kid ourselves that we have added some emotional and intellectual layers to all that. We are nearer to the animal kingdom than we like to think!
All I can say is that, if a Venus de Milo lookalike walked through my door and wanted to get amorous, I would quickly lose interest if she couldn't also talk about the meaning of the universe ..
Re: Finding it out
I suppose the sexual attraction drive stems from basic animal lust.
But the 'chemistry' between two people is another matter entirely.
In fact if you step over the boundary towards sexual flirtation then you will probably kill the 'chemistry'.
And people who feel they are attracting unwanted attention may discount the 'chemistry' (if it is deemed one-sided) as a sexual advance.
Some women may dislike being looked at by a male and you have to be careful not to annoy them.
It depends on how secure they are and what overtures you make.
All rather dodgy ground, but we can't exactly sniff each other out like dogs on the pavement.
A woman who waves her head and strokes her hair may be indicating responsiveness to attention.
Perhaps better to make them laugh and only approach the happy smiling ladies who don't have complications.
Good peasant stock or a stunner beyond reach?
But the 'chemistry' between two people is another matter entirely.
In fact if you step over the boundary towards sexual flirtation then you will probably kill the 'chemistry'.
And people who feel they are attracting unwanted attention may discount the 'chemistry' (if it is deemed one-sided) as a sexual advance.
Some women may dislike being looked at by a male and you have to be careful not to annoy them.
It depends on how secure they are and what overtures you make.
All rather dodgy ground, but we can't exactly sniff each other out like dogs on the pavement.
A woman who waves her head and strokes her hair may be indicating responsiveness to attention.
Perhaps better to make them laugh and only approach the happy smiling ladies who don't have complications.
Good peasant stock or a stunner beyond reach?
Re: Finding it out
Are you an expert on all this, Richard?!
Some English women still get shirty if you look at them - on a different kind of forum, I would get targeted for that but it is still true, I think, and has to do with the English "primness". On the continent, a male's glance is regarded as normal and often gets a smile in response! Doesn't mean you intend anything dishonourable .. and there are plenty of ways of showing a woman you like her without stretching to harrassment.
All this is terribly old-fashioned - a lot of young people these days have totally different behaviour modes! But, again, an old saying I heard from somewhere - you should always leave a woman in a position from which she can gracefully withdraw.
I was walking down Crystal Palace Parade once many years ago and wearing a smart pair of pants, caught two girls giving me the eye - I felt fantastic for the rest of the day! Usually happens from the male direction ..
Some English women still get shirty if you look at them - on a different kind of forum, I would get targeted for that but it is still true, I think, and has to do with the English "primness". On the continent, a male's glance is regarded as normal and often gets a smile in response! Doesn't mean you intend anything dishonourable .. and there are plenty of ways of showing a woman you like her without stretching to harrassment.
All this is terribly old-fashioned - a lot of young people these days have totally different behaviour modes! But, again, an old saying I heard from somewhere - you should always leave a woman in a position from which she can gracefully withdraw.
I was walking down Crystal Palace Parade once many years ago and wearing a smart pair of pants, caught two girls giving me the eye - I felt fantastic for the rest of the day! Usually happens from the male direction ..
Re: Finding it out
'a lot of young people these days have totally different behaviour modes' - The mind boggles!
I suppose if a lady feels you are mentally undressing her then she may well take offence, but really, the way some of them dress is just asking for trouble.
I like the chemistry of attraction - nothing wrong with that, it is not about sex and what on earth are those idiots doing looking at the genitals first on 'Naked Attraction'.
That is no basis for choosing a partner, it should be the face first and chemical attraction and the last thing you should do with lady is to imply sex.
You have to skirt around the issue at all costs or you will probably receive a slap across the face.
I suppose if a lady feels you are mentally undressing her then she may well take offence, but really, the way some of them dress is just asking for trouble.
I like the chemistry of attraction - nothing wrong with that, it is not about sex and what on earth are those idiots doing looking at the genitals first on 'Naked Attraction'.
That is no basis for choosing a partner, it should be the face first and chemical attraction and the last thing you should do with lady is to imply sex.
You have to skirt around the issue at all costs or you will probably receive a slap across the face.
Re: Finding it out
I guess that many relationships based on quickly stripping off don't last more than five minutes .. rather more to life, and a person, than just that. Some learn the hard way ..
In any case, it's not what you see which is intriguing, it's what you DON'T see .. the mystique about someone and the layers of their private personality which you get to know over time are what add the dynamics to the relationship.
From some Hastings girls: "Wot?"
In any case, it's not what you see which is intriguing, it's what you DON'T see .. the mystique about someone and the layers of their private personality which you get to know over time are what add the dynamics to the relationship.
From some Hastings girls: "Wot?"
Re: Finding it out
Do you think you can have a woman as a 'mate' in the way you can with a man?
Moving back to 'finding it out'.
I believe you have to be able to find what motivates you, outside the obvious brain-reward systems of sex, eating, gambling, drugs, etcetera.
What interests you that can be a multitude of hobbies or just one or two.
You may of course have to be in the right frame of mind to be more creative in areas like painting and design, sculpting objects from a variety of materials, and so on, whereas bird-watching, reading, puzzle-solving are not so right-brain dependent.
Left-brain = analytical, logical; right-brain = emotion, empathy, creativity.
Moving back to 'finding it out'.
I believe you have to be able to find what motivates you, outside the obvious brain-reward systems of sex, eating, gambling, drugs, etcetera.
What interests you that can be a multitude of hobbies or just one or two.
You may of course have to be in the right frame of mind to be more creative in areas like painting and design, sculpting objects from a variety of materials, and so on, whereas bird-watching, reading, puzzle-solving are not so right-brain dependent.
Left-brain = analytical, logical; right-brain = emotion, empathy, creativity.
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