Come to Hastings (if you dare ..)

[moonjiver]

COME TO HASTINGS (IF YOU DARE ..)

Why anyone travels to Hastings
Psychologists never could guess.
But some rash explorers
Get tempted to visit
A town which is frankly a mess.

Some trippers are dodging the Costas
And sunspots they cannot afford.
But others just love
Being lashed by the rain,
Getting frozen and stiff as a board.

The Saxons first built a small harbour.
They must have been clean off their heads
For the winter wind whistles
All over the seashore
And makes you just wish you were dead.

The climate has moulded the natives.
It’s not that they’re naturally bad
Or mean to indulge
In nefarious deeds
But the weather has sent them all mad.

They’re covered in tattoos and nose-rings
And live in old boat hulks and shacks.
They dress up like brigands,
Don’t keep to the rules
And are born with guitars on their backs.

Now it’s true that they’re friendly in Hastings,
Just love to be told a rude joke.
In the creaking old taverns
They’ll sing you a shanty
Or buy you a beer if you’re broke.

But since Wiilliam the Conq first invaded
The natives have gone their own way.
They drink, fish and smuggle
On dark moonless nights
And they curse politicians by day.

So don’t bring your airs and your graces.
They’ll jeer if you dress in your best,
Whilst the salt spray and gales
Will batter your senses
And send you as mad as the rest.

© Tony Frost
12/14

[Gerry Glyde]

I enjoyed that. Several aspects of Hastings old and new all in one

[moonjiver]

Great! One fan. Thanks.

[Richard]

There was also this to be sung to the Gilbert & Sullivan type refrain:

Long before democracy, Parliament or liberty
Shakespeare's plays or cups of tea, England was a prize for me
Before they'd heard of Beatles' hits or Nelson's Royal Navy ships
Or even tasted Fish 'n' Chips, England made me lick my lips

Then as now, it is a fact, the English have what others lack
A propensity to pay their tax, they are such law-abiding chaps
Yes, England's farm economy in legal self-sufficiency
It was the very model of medieval tax efficiency

I'm William the Conqueror; I sit above the peasantry, landowners and nobility
In every shire and territory, I squeeze and tax quite easily
The English taxman he can look in every far-flung field and nook
In each peasant farm and I undertook to record it in my Domesday Book

I came here with my Norman horde of knights and lords from near-abroad
I've conquered England shore to shore, and now I want my just reward
I've fought and crushed, pursued, replaced and nearly always overawed
I am the very model of the ruthless feudal overlord

[moonjiver]

I like that very much, where did it come from? I love all that English tradition of comic song and Micky-taking, from G & S and music hall to Flanders and Swan, Noel Coward .. and the poems of Betchman (spelt wrongly!), even John Lennon too. Spike Milligan is also one of my heroes.

[Richard]

don't know for sure - i just found it on a website called 'Inkpotamus'

[moonjiver]

What a strange website, seems to be run by one person only. I read the"About" and other info but I'm still confused about what the purpose of the website is!

Still, some of the poems are quite amusing, tho not that perfect on metre and flow ..

Maybe I'll post some other poems about Hastings here later, slightly better efforts on my part .. perhaps Geoff should start a new section for poets and writers!

[Richard]

There are a couple of poems about the Pier knocking about somewhere on this website.
.
...might be interesting to make some more about Hastings generally if you ever feel in the mood and the wind is blowing in the right direction.